Tales of the Parodyverse

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AJA
Mon Oct 31, 2005 at 01:15:30 pm EST
Subject
Bang. Bang. Your Dead! Part 4
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To catch up, go here: for part 1, for part 2 & for part 3! Once you've done that: you should know what going on in this series.

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Twenty minutes after Wilton's body was found. I being the only detective on duty (& not being used as a bodyguard) was left to search at the crime scene, Manfred's study, to search for any & all clues. Which to me mostly meant just going through a person's things looking for items I may want.

After looking over a few things & in a few drawers, I went over to the desk. On it were various papers: Newspaper clippings, magazine articles, Books, etc. Most of the clippings were about Graham, the murdered police chief. The books & some articles were about mystical things like: calling upon something called a "Manga Shoggoth" (whatever that is) for some great powers to bring forth "Cucatulou", which according to one book is a ritual to end the world of man bring back the elder one's. Destroying the world make have been the motive for Mr. Wilton's demise but it make have not been. Also, what does that have to do with Graham? I continue to look around, but don't see further clues. But, as a parting gift: I took a few real old books that I make be able to sell for some cash. I exited the study, Snookie was waiting in the hallway. She was still eating some of her food from her purse.

"Weenie?" she asked as I walked over. I declined.

She told me that the reporters were now out front, so we decided to leave via the back entrance & thanks to this being a big shindig, the some of caters hadn't left yet. So, we got into the back of one of the trucks & waited for the ride to start.

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The next day, I was down at the old Coffee Bean trying to figure out the case. I would do this at the office but it was just to small. So, I took up residence at one of the booth near the back.

"Tough case, Arnie?" Sarah, my waitress, asked.

"Sort of." I replied as she refilled my coffee cup.

I had all my clues, notes & evidence spread out over the table & some even on the seat. The answer was there & I will find it. It hard doing a double case that is so connected: If I don't figure out who offed the Chief, my other case isn't solved. It's times like these that I wish I hadn't given up drinking: it always gave me clarity. Drunken stupor was the mistress behind everything I had down up to that point. It made me the man I was today!

"Yes, Arnie & that was the problem." came a voice.

Sarah must have put something in the coffee because I'm now hearing voices.

"It's not the coffee, Arnie J." came the voice again.

I looked up from the table, looked around & in just a few minutes: the dingy, dirty little diner had turned into the vast expanse of space. The thing left of the diner was the booth I sat in.

"What the frick is going on here?" I screamed.

"Arnie, You did well & are being rewarded." came the voice.

"huh?"

Just then a man with a blueish green skin walked into view. He wore an almost blindingly white sheet as a toga. His hair was a mix of white, grey & black.

"This little exercise was to see if you could redeem yourself, you did & the Posters that Be seemed to like this new you."

"huh?"

"Think back to four weeks ago, ok?"

"Ok." I said. I started to think back & there was nothing.

I guess the toga man could tell that because he said: "You can't can you?"

"Not really. But, I just assumed it was some sort of brain damage from all the drinking I'd done over the years."

"We thought you'd think that."

"Who's we?"

"The Posters that Be!" the toga man said & he comment echoed for miles.

"And you are?" I asked.

"I am known as AJA!"

"Aja?"

"Yes."

"Well, Hi! My name is..." I said as I held out my hand.

"I know what your name is, I've used it at least four time during this conversation."

"oh. Yeah!" I said. I think it was more like 3 but who was going to argue with a blue green man in a toga out in the middle of space.

"You'd be surprised how many do?" He said.

"So, this reward you mentioned. What is it?" I asked.

"The temporal recon that you found yourself..." he began to say but I interrupted.

"What?"

"Your weren't a private detective four weeks ago, you were a sad excuse for a lawyer. Don't you remember?" Toga man said.

And, then my mind started to race seeing my last year of life race pass me like it was some sort of slightly comedic story. Man, it was so miss matched: it seemed that every event or episode in my life had little to do with the next. The only part that seems to be a prolonged was this Detective ruse I'd been in.

Now, that I had a headache, the toga man continued: "Your reward is to retain the aspects the Posters that Be liked & return to the present."

"You mean it's not..." I said & I was trying to remember what year it was, but I couldn't remember what it was.

"No. We purposely didn't pinpoint a year in your recon. It seemed that the recon seems to fluctuate between the 1920's to the early 1950's. We were going for the 1930's but it didn't matter what year it was, all you we need was it to be noirish."

"ok." I said. My head was swimming with all this new info.

"It's ok. This normally happens when we break the fourth wall."

"huh?"

"never mind." The toga man said in a sing song manner.

"What about Snookie?"

"She will be returned to the present along with you & the aspects the Posters that Be deemed worthy."

"Can you answer me one question about Snookie?" I asked.

"No, we can't tell you were she's from. We, the Posters that Be, will just leave it at her being vaguely asian."

"Darn."

"All though finding out where's she from would make for an interesting story..." The Toga man said as his voice trailed off.

"huh?"

"Sorry about that. My mind was wondering off to a possible story idea."

I chose to not reply to that comment. Then, I asked: "What aspects of my life do these people want to do away with?"

"Mostly the reimagining of certain more well known people."

"huh?"

"Basically most of the people you saw at the part."

"oh. What about the Mulvains?"

"They are being done away with, but weren't reimaginings of anyone really. Just a few characters to move the story along."

"oh."

"We're going to basically drop you back into The City, just fast forwarded to 2005."

"Why?"

"Mostly so we can make Pop Culture references."

"Well, isn't there an already existing Noirish city: Gothametropolis. So, why not just drop me there?"

"Yes, that city does exist & we looked into dropping you there, but..."

"What?"

"You'd be dead in seven days."

"oh."

"And I don't have that many characters to write, so you being dead would be bad."

"What?"

"nothing." The Toga man said again in the sing song manner.

"Ok. I think I'm getting the hang off this. But, can you at least tell me who murdered Graham?"

"Sure!"

"ok. Who did it?"

"No one did!"

"huh?"

"You like saying that a lot, don't you?"

"I guess so."

"The death of Graham was staged to get Mr. Mulvain out of the picture. Graham & Mrs. Mulvain were having an affair. You were broughten because as you may have know that no one really likes you. So to discredit you, they gave you a double case load. So, once you broke down & couldn't figure it out: you were to kill yourself."

"What?"

"Yes."

"But, I thought you said I wasn't to be killed?"

"That's why I stopped the recon at the diner & didn't let it let you go to the Penguin exhibit at the Zoo."

"Why?"

"That is where you go to think right?"

"Yes. For some reason the horny Penguins help me think."

"Sure, they do. So, you were to be killed there & It was made to look like a suicide."

"What about Wilton?"

"He was killed by the someone else."

"Who?"

"I don't know. The death of Wilton was to be a major plot point, but the Writer that Be couldn't come up with a good enough plot points for it, so that line of thinking was abandoned."

"ok. So, when do this new life start?"

"I guess somewhere around now."

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"Arnie? Arnie?" I heard as I was woken up. Standing in front of me was Snookie, we're at the Penguin exhibit at the City Zoo. I was on a park bench.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know. You just disappeared for a while & then I found you here." came Snookie's reply.

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"You seem to think that these horny Penguins help you think. So, you were either here or over at the Coffee Bean."

"oh. Good Detective work, Snookie." I said as I got from the park bench.

We started to walk off & Snookie told me we had a case to do. Something about a infamous Asian Mafia group killing people around The City. Sounds like my sort of case!

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THE END!



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